Managing Emotions
Expressing emotions will quiet even the most eloquent speaker. Managing emotions is different than managing anger although typically they can be tied together. Here are some quick tips on managing emotions:
1) Take a moment to identify what you are feeling. We typically have a limited range of emotions that we are able to actually label or identify which can make it really difficult to express our emotions to others.
2) Use the emotion face sheets to help you learn how to identify the different emotions you feel. Use the sheet help you try to identify the emotions that you are feeling as oppose to funneling your emotions into the limited words you may
have and typically use. For example: I am angry. Anger is a secondary emotion. What is underneath the anger? Are you frustrated, disappointed, hurt, scared, or maybe all of the above? Feel and express them all.
3) Let yourself feel what you need to feel. We may have been taught that we can only feel one emotion at a time. This is simply not true. There will be many situations in which you feel a multitude of emotions at the same time.
4) When expressing your emotions use “I” statements. For example: “I feel _______when you ______. Follow this up by something positive about the person. This way of communicating focuses on the behavior or actions the person did as opposed to
the person themselves. To further-er clarify; think of a time when someone told you something you did that they did not like. Typically we say something like this: “You hurt my feelings and you pissed me off when you did…” We attack the other person for actions they committed rather than explaining how those actions made us feel. “I” statements make it clear that it is not the person you are upset with but rather behavior or actions caused the issue. Follow that up with the reassurance that it is in fact the behavior
and not the person.
5) Your feelings and emotions are yours, no one else’s. Finally, and probably most important, remember your feelings and emotions are yours, they are valid and you are entitled to them.
Expressing emotions will quiet even the most eloquent speaker. Managing emotions is different than managing anger although typically they can be tied together. Here are some quick tips on managing emotions:
1) Take a moment to identify what you are feeling. We typically have a limited range of emotions that we are able to actually label or identify which can make it really difficult to express our emotions to others.
2) Use the emotion face sheets to help you learn how to identify the different emotions you feel. Use the sheet help you try to identify the emotions that you are feeling as oppose to funneling your emotions into the limited words you may
have and typically use. For example: I am angry. Anger is a secondary emotion. What is underneath the anger? Are you frustrated, disappointed, hurt, scared, or maybe all of the above? Feel and express them all.
3) Let yourself feel what you need to feel. We may have been taught that we can only feel one emotion at a time. This is simply not true. There will be many situations in which you feel a multitude of emotions at the same time.
4) When expressing your emotions use “I” statements. For example: “I feel _______when you ______. Follow this up by something positive about the person. This way of communicating focuses on the behavior or actions the person did as opposed to
the person themselves. To further-er clarify; think of a time when someone told you something you did that they did not like. Typically we say something like this: “You hurt my feelings and you pissed me off when you did…” We attack the other person for actions they committed rather than explaining how those actions made us feel. “I” statements make it clear that it is not the person you are upset with but rather behavior or actions caused the issue. Follow that up with the reassurance that it is in fact the behavior
and not the person.
5) Your feelings and emotions are yours, no one else’s. Finally, and probably most important, remember your feelings and emotions are yours, they are valid and you are entitled to them.